just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
