wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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