I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
