btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize