brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
