I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
