All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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