i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
