ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
