you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
