either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
