And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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