Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize