you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
