If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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