My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
