It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
