Non-Jews are for practice
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
