You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
