pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
