Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
