if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
