Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
