I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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