My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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