I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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