What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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