I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize