god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
time to smoke my breakfast
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
