It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
