where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize