In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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