That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
