oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
