For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
