And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
