i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
