Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize