I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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