i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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