I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize