Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
