the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
