Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
