You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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