yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
