You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
