I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
