Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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