Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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