Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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