You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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