your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
