My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
