....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
