Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
