Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
