Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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