new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
