Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
