Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
