if you like me you must not know who I am
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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