My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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