haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
