My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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