i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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