I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
